Tuesday, February 24, 2009

When doctors are assholes

We had an appointment today with a urologist to discuss dh's sperm. I was looking forward to this appointment to give me answers and....dare I say it, hope. I didn't get either. The doctor was an asshole. He answered my questions with just one or two words and provided very little information. The highlight of the appointment came when I asked him about particular supplements to possibly increase the quality of sperm and he suggested I research it on the Internet. Ahhh....stupid me! Why didn't I think of that before? Research...on the Internet! Of course! What a great idea! I failed to enlighten him that all I've been doing with every waking moment is researching on the Internet. I wondered if he realized that not everything on the Internet is true? Seriously, what an amazingly ignorant suggestion to give a patient! I love the Internet and truly do not understand what people did before its existence, but, it also is very addicting and can be toxic to one's mental health. I needed comfort in words from an actual live physician, I needed my questions taken seriously and answered with consideration and thought. He failed.

Our RE (whom we love) is through the University of Michigan, I didn't want to see a urologist through U of M because it's far away and the drive requires extra time off of work and we can't drive together because we come from different directions....but, it appears that's what we'll be doing. A doctor at U of M would never suggest that I obtain medical advice from a website that could be created by a 13 year old doing a research project on male sperm. So, we have an appointment at the end of April to meet the new urologist. Prior to our appointment we have to give 2 semen samples (yes, we, it's a joint effort.) so he has 2 recent samples to analyze. Here it goes...I know it's just $500, but, the price tag continues to climb. IF treatments are so expensive, we tried this once before, I remember our mailbox was flooded with more medical bills than I've seen in my life. I'm trying not to panic over this yet, it's only a small amount of money now....but, infertility treatment is like crack cocaine, it's addicting and once you try it once you can't seem to stop. And, semen analysis is the gateway drug of IF treatments. It doesn't seem like it hurts to "just try it", it's "only" a few hundred dollars, no one will get hurt, there aren't any risks, and no one will even know you did it! The next thing you know you're shelling out tens of thousands of dollars to an IF clinic for surrogacy and IVF, ICSI, and a side of egg donors.

I guess I can safely say surrogacy in India is out. But, surrogacy in the states is very much in. Traditional surrogacy specifically, we've definitely ruled out gestational surrogacy. I don't think normal people consider their childbearing options in this order, but, at least I can say that I've carefully examined each option and in the end we'll be making the most educated choice possible. I can't ask for anything more than that.

On a lighter note, I applied for an online teaching job today. I doubt I'll get called because I'm sure they are flooded with PhD's applying for the position but I would like to put my master's degree to good use and I've always wanted to teach. So, we shall see.


  1. Infertility ends up being a total addiction. That is why you see so many support groups. The problem is you can't go to an AA type meeting and get better. The only way out is to beat the odds and be successful.

  2. I am following your blog and sorry to see your struggles. We are having some struggles as well and I know how emotional ths gets. Monday night I was done...ready to quit, but Tuesday brought a new light and stregth. You will get there..some how..some way.

  3. Hi! I write a couple of blogs on Surrogacy...was a past surrogate and have owned a surrogacy agency..but wanted to comment on your struggles...you are not alone and a LOT of Dr.'s have absolutely NO BEDSIDE manner! They should take a class...needless to say that when you spend ANY amount of money on a consultation or any DR's visit you should get acceptable answers. As for the supplements...several Intended Fathers that I know take http://www.coastreproductive.com/CR_MFS/index.html this male fertility supplement. I don't sell this stuff...I have met the president of the company though. I thought you might like to check into it instead of "researching on the Internet"! Amazing....

    Good Luck to you!

    Sharon LaMothe

    Infertility Answers, Inc.~Information about Reproductive Technology
    Surrogacy 101~Learn more about Third Party Family Building
    http://infertilityanswers.typepad.com/surrogacy_101/ http://surrogacy101.blogspot.com/

  4. Thanks for your comments. I love the online world of infertility supporters! It's such a refreshing change.

    Sharon-thanks for the suggestion, I'm going to check it out. We have an appointment with a potential non-asshole urologist on March 16th. Yippie!