Thursday, April 8, 2010

T minus 11 days

We matched. Again. It happened a few weeks ago, we had a lovely phone conversation with an expectant mother in Utah and she picked us to become the parents to her baby boy. She's dilated to 2 and they can see the baby's head upon an exam. If she doesn't deliver early, an induction date is scheduled for April 20, 2010 at 7:30 a.m.

It's a boy, and failed match #1 was a girl, of course. The pink (and there was a lot of it) has been packed away. I'm not quite sure for what purpose as I'm constantly reminding everyone (myself?) that we're only doing this once. I only have the strength, the finances, and the desire to ride this roller coaster once. And, hell, it's not even over yet so we might still be in for another ride along the tracks and we don't even know it yet. My efforts to be positive are productive but my instinct to remain realistic trumps all. I refer to him as "the baby", but everyone else refers to him by name. This causes me to add "don't share the name before the baby is born" to my list of "things to do differently next time", even as I promise there will never be a next time. There hasn't even been a "this time".

He's being born in Utah, which means we have to fly to Utah for the birth and stay in Utah until we are cleared through ICPC (fancy name for a government agency that approves the adoption and allows us to leave the state of Utah and return to Michigan), this process usually takes 7-14 business days. Dh won't stay in Utah the whole time, he plans to return home to work so that he can take more time off when baby & I get home. I'm thrilled and nervous about the alone time I'll have with the baby. Mostly thrilled, until I realize there will be an actual baby there, and then I'm nervous.

We're ready. Almost. We have an excellent supply of clothing, thanks to friends and family who have donated to our baby boy cause. The nursery is set up, complete with gorgeous blue bedding and the softest chenille blanket I could find (which is ridiculous because I have a half dozen halo sleepers because we don't plan to use blankets for a while). Packing for an infant, who has yet to be born, to stay in a hotel for 2-3 weeks is quite a task for an almostmommy. I'm hopeful I didn't complete fail though, he does have diapers, wipes, clothes, pacifiers, and a cooler waiting to be packed with donor milk.

The donor milk is because my body, once again, failed at what it should be doing naturally. I tried, for 9 weeks, to induce lactation. I pumped around the clock, ate oatmeal for breakfast, took my herbs, increased my domperidone to 120 mg a day, and never saw a single drop. We were blessed to receive a few hundred ounces through a wonderful donor in Ohio and we'll take her milk with us to Utah. We're still desperate for a milk donor though, as the milk we have will only last 2 weeks or so. Our baby has been exposed to unhealthy toxins in utero and I want to give him the best start in life as possible and I know that's only possible through breastmilk.

11 days and counting...