Monday, February 9, 2009

Weighing the options

Of course, my mind won't stop thinking of India, surrogacy, babies, adoption, and there's a little bit of space left to think about our upcoming vacation in 40 days.

We were confident that we would adopt. I didn't think there was a reason to pursue surrogacy if we couldn't produce a child that was biologically related to both of us. I truly wonder how I got back on this path. I'm frustrated, the infertility rollercoaster is a rough ride with dozens of seemingly impossible choices to be made. The adoption rollercoaster isn't much different, but I've experienced the heartwrenching disappointments of the IF journey that I'm hopeful the adoption journey wouldn't be so tainted. There are many success stories on both sides; couples waiting only a few days for "the call" and have their baby in their arms just hours later and couples that experience a textbook pregnancy after their first IVF. I have little confidence in my body's ability, so thank God we'd be using an egg donor.

There is a baby at the end of an adoption journey. That same guarantee isn't so with surrogacy. I know many couples that have experienced failed domestic adoptions or were in the midst of an international adoption when the country closed its doors, but knowing we would be pursuing domestic adoption and we've already done our research, there would be a baby at the end. It might be a long wait, and we may experience failed matches, miscarriages, or a birthmother's change of heart, but eventually there is a baby.

There might be a baby at the end of surrogacy. Do we gamble with every penny we have (and don't have) to take the route that is less certain? There are some amazing possibilities with surrogacy. I'm most attracted to knowning that our baby receives excellent pre-natal care and the connection that we can have to our developing baby during the pregnancy. I want to see the first ultrasound, hear the heartbeat, and know the second my child joins this world. I want to know the surrogate is caring for herself, that excellent physicans are ensuring her health, and all the necessary tests are being done during the pregnancy. I can't get those guarantees with adoption.

What if we spend everything we have and there isn't a pregnancy? We fly half way around the world and come home childless. How would we ever afford adoption? How long would it take us to save the funds to adopt? How many times would we attempt pregnancy if we weren't successful the first time? And, then, there's the actual pregnancy. Getting pregnant is only half the battle, then we must stay pregnant. What are the chances we'd have a successful pregnancy that ends with a healthy baby?

1 comment:

  1. Oh Yes my Dear, decisions-decisions-decisions!!!! I fully understand and know your dilemma. All the very best in your journey whatever it may be. :)