Monday, March 2, 2009

March Madness

How is it March already? Although I feel that this year is passing us by too fast, I'm comforted by the quick passage of time. That will mean that our ridiculous date of 1-1-11 will be here before we know. Actually, that's unlikely, but today is making me feel a little better. Dh & I are living on different planets of reality about when we should start a family. I cry, scream, and make sarcastic comments that I want a baby now, I want to change a diaper now, and console a crying baby now, breastfeed now, decorate the nursery, go shopping at BRU, spend all my money on adorable baby clothes that they will outgrow before I take the tags off...I want all of that now. I've never been a fan of delayed gratification and I don't intend on liking it anytime soon. But, dh says "we'll have that honey, just not right now." He thinks that's a very appropriate response and he honestly doesn't think he's doing anything wrong-he's giving me exactly what I want just not when I want it.

So, March is here. And it's off to a shitty start. My FIL is in ICU, he'll be fine, but he had a close call with death due to some blood clots that have found a new home in his lungs. My SIL is at Children's Hospital with our newest nephew, the poor little guy just had a spinal tap. He has a fever and is screaming constantly. Still no news about what is wrong with him.

I've been emailing a lot lately with M, the surrogate who lives in Indiana. I have a call into the famous surrogacy attorney there to discuss all the legal implications of TS in Indiana. I know it's completely premature to be consulting an attorney, but I like to know all the details of what I'm considering and if I can have a free consult....the more info I have the better informed our choice will be. I'm really growing to love this idea. If our TS can live close (Indiana is close enough), I can attend every doctor's appointment, ultrasound, and even spend quality time with her during our pregnancy. I truly can't imagine it being any better than that. Unfortunately, the law isn't on our side, especially if we have to use donor sperm. However, she's been a TS before so she knows what it feels like to give the baby up. The likelihood of her changing her mind once she's done it before is slim to none. There are plenty of other odds we've faced that are slim to none and those have came back to bite is in the ass, so we're still being cautious. She's in school to be a nurse, and she graduates in May. She has 4 kids and her dh has had a vasectomy so no chances of his swimmers getting in our way. She's really nice and we seem to be able to talk openly & honestly about everything. She's completely against aborting the pregnancy for just about any reason except something that threatens her own health. I'm still afraid we'll sink all our money into this venture to end up broke & without a baby. I refuse to let fear get in our way of parenthood, I'm going to keep chatting with M and hopefully things continue to go well. She knows of our ridiculous 2011 date also, she may have a pregnancy in between now & then, which is perfectly fine with me.

We have an appointment on March 16th with the new urologist. We leave on March 21st for a cruise...I'm counting down the days to the urologist appointment way more than I am the cruise. That's really pathetic.

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