This is my journey through the forest of infertility as I attempt to become a mom as the third wheel.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
This morning, after some passionate lovemaking that we did to a plastic sterile cup, I rushed dh's sperm to the hospital for our first SA this year. When I arrived, I told the receptionist that I had sperm in between my boobs and I couldn't wait to register, they had to take the sample immediately. Luckily, we live about 10 minutes from the hospital and this hospital also takes our insurance and the SA's are covered 100%! So, I'm sure they'll be seeing a lot of me. Anyway, she looked at me like I was crazy, clearly she doesn't understand why someone would drive around with sperm in between their boobs. Thankfully, a supervisor was standing nearby and heard my request and immediately took me back to register and take the sample. She was very friendly and prompt. I was prepared for the inevitable "how long have you been trying" question, and I'm actually not quite sure how I should answer that, but she didn't ask. She did, however, say "good luck" as I was leaving. Her assumption being that we are trying to get pregnant. I'm relatively certain (although this is an assumption on my part) that she didn't assume that I'm praying for those sperm to be strong and healthy so we can use it to impregnate another woman. It made me think about all the incorrect assumptions I hold about other people. It is in moments like these that I realize, despite my passionate hatred for infertility, I am a better person because of it. I am, at times, a bitter, resentful bitch because of the struggles of IF. But in moments like these I realize I am a stronger, wiser, and more compassionate person because of it. Since exploring the option of traditional surrogacy, seeing a pregnant belly has become easier for me. Considering adoption has allowed me to have compassion toward pregnant teens because one day, I may need one of them for my own chance at motherhood. (Sidebar: I have compassion for most pregnant teens, excluding some, explicitly excluding Bristol Palin) Receiving thousands of dollars in medical bills in the mail from IF treatments, I have a deeper appreciation for my job and education that allows us to be able to afford the chance to try. There are few things in life I know for sure, but one is that the desire to become a mom is not limited by the ability to pay for it. Unfortunately, for many people the reality of becoming a mom is limited by fiscal restraints. That's bullshit. We live in the wealthiest nation on earth (is that still true?) and our citizens are left motherless because they don't have 25K to 'try' for a baby or another 35K to adopt. Bullshit. I digress.
Hysterectomy. Oopherectomy. We tried surrogacy. Failed. Sort-of tried adoption and it sort-of failed. Matched with a surrogate for a year to find out insurance won't cover the pregnancy. Not sure what's next...