Thursday, January 14, 2010

The problem with having a "Plan A"

is that it implies it will fail and there must be a Plan B. We would never introduce our current spouses as "my first husband", as if to imply there will be a second. I'm not sure what Plan A ever was...I suppose it was get married, have lots of sex, and one of those times will make a baby. Obviously that's been pushed aside for more exciting plans that have involved attorneys, dozens of doctors, injections, contracts, and lots of additional participants. It's almost as if I forget all the plans we've once had in place, until I'm forced to recall the magnitude of devastation that we've endured in our efforts to become parents.

(Un)fortunately, I had a hysterectomy before my dh & I ever started dating. Only 3 months after we had been engaged we were strongly encouraged to pursue surrogacy if we ever wanted to produce a child using my genetics. We cancelled our perfectly orchestrated Cinderella wedding and packed up the car for a roadtrip to Chicago to meet with the surrogacy agency. It was shortly before egg retrieval that our cycle was cancelled with no hope of trying again due to my very unhealthy ovaries. This was followed by two adoptions situations that were presented to us that failed for a variety of reasons, a lot of marital heartache, and the conclusion to pursue traditional surrogacy. This is the simplified version, of course. And now, Plan (Insert Letter of the Alphabet Here) has also failed. After previous confirmation that M's insurance would cover surrogacy, a final "check" today confirmed that it will indeed not cover her.

Financially, we are not prepared to take the risks of insurance claims being denied or purchasing an additional insurance policy for M. So, for now, we are unsure how a baby will make itself into our arms. We need time to digest, pray, and consider our options (again).


  1. My heart is so disappointed for you right now!
    I know this is not the end, it just means 'another' new beginning!

  2. I'm so sorry, but I hope this is not the end, just a damn delay. Hugs.

  3. I am sorry to hear this news and hope you continue to find the strength for a plan that will work.

    I will keep you in my prayers and I know you will find a way to your miracle sooner than later.

    Stay positive and strong. Good luck and take care.

  4. )h honey my heart is very heavy for you.

    I have been off my blog, grieving the anniv. of my mother's death and dealing with random junk regarding my sister who is mentally impaired. I locked it down in my grief... at some point I will start up again.

    You already know my journey towards motherhood took decades and a boatload of heartache.

    Please do not give up. When one door closes, another one opens, and that is for real. A guest blogger on my blog will be our potential birthmom, whose little boy, J, that we were do adopt, died at birth. She and I are still loving and caring towards each other many years later. The death of little J pushed us towards Traditional Surrogacy and you know how blessed we are.

    Lots of pain and heartache, loss of children...but I am proof that you can push past the pain and make it through.

    Do not give up. And if your marriage is compromised (we never had issues b/c I was barren like you, from the get go -- the DH knew it wasn't going to happen for us but he always wanted to pursue traditional surrogacy and I was so afraid,,, we compromised w/the adoption and then, moved forward w/the surrogacy after I'd connected with such wonderful potential birthmoms... and felt confident I'd be a great IM)

    hugs sweetie. I wish you nothing but blessings and goodness for the read ahead. I am sorry things did not work out with M. Truly

  5. Is there anyway you can find a surrogate whos insurance covers surrogacy and maybe look into donated embryos? My first set of IP's had to use donated embryos because the only two they had didnt survive the thaw. My insurance covered both of my surrogacies.. Im praying God guids you in the right direction..

  6. Thank you for this blog. It's so inspiring! I'm so happy for you! We should always fight for our dreams and goals no matter what. I also can't carry a baby by myself. I was born without a uterus. There is no chance for me to get pregnant and feel my baby pushing into my stomach. Still I'm grateful there are places and people who can help us with our problem. At the same time this is really hard to find good agency or clinic. There are so many scammers, who want to become rich, using poor people like us. There are even women, who pretend they want to be surrogates and then they get money and disappear. Unfortunately our family faced such woman. Three years ago my dh and I decided to find sm by ourselves. We thought the procedure will be cheaper in this way. We met with her and discussed everything. She seemed so kind and lovely person. After our first payment she was gone. She didn't answer our phone calls or mails. It was so hard to get back to search of another place to go. I was seeing deception and dirty tricks everywhere. After our experience we decided not to contact agencies and especially search sm by ourselves. We were looking for reliable clinic with professional doctors and high rate of successful treatments. We decided to concentrate mostly on Europe. Reviews were mostly positive and this clinic has high success rates. Though we had some doubts about their medicine, we decided to go there and check everything. Our concerns faded away when we talk to our doctor and program coordinator. We saw fashionable design of the clinic and modern equipment. And the most important we saw so many couples there! People all over the world came to this clinic for surrogacy and de ivf programs. We have no regrets! We are so lucky we went straight to this clinic. Our daughter was born in May last year. Dear, I wish you and your wonderful family all the best!