Laid off

I work for a small business that is owned by my mom and her business partner. Business is slow, which is no surprise, and after several attempts to cut wages and reduce benefits it is still not enough. Myself, my mom, and her partner have all laid ourselves off. We will be able to collect unemployment and the company will save the cost of our salaries. We can pay our bills without my salary but we certainly cannot afford to save for our surrogacy journey which officially begins in 423 days, give or take a day or two.

The solution seems to be to begin looking for a job that I actually will get paid to go to work for. The problem is I can't seem to get myself to do so. I'm sick about the thought of leaving here. It was the plan (which was the first mistake) that I would work here and once the baby arrived I could work from home. I cannot contemplate the thought of leaving my child everyday. The job offers me the most amazing flexibility. Generally, I don't like my job and I'm overqualified for it, but I love what it offers to my future family which is the only reason I'm here. There is a great possibility that the salary reduction will not be enough and we will not have enough business to keep our doors open. That frightens me. This business has been going strong since 1925, we are well established and well known but so is Chrysler, and GM, and thousands of other businesses in the metro Detroit area that have closed their doors. For now, we're trying to adjust our budget to accommodate our new salaries and remain as optimistic as possible. I need this job, my sanity and future needs this job. So much of my ability to drag myself up from the floor of depression has been knowing what a wonderful lifestyle we have established for a baby. The salary loss came on the same day that we turned in our lease and purchased a brand new "family" car. My dh is 6'7" so any vehicle we buy has to be "big", but our new Ford Expedition is exceptionally big, it's the kind of big you only buy if you are pregnant, are planning to be soon, or have already been a dozen times before. We're planning a pregnancy soon and we bought the car to show it. I will pray for strength, peace, and understanding as I do believe that every roadblock is God's way to direct us to follow the path He intends for us. I believe that today, I hope I can continue that tomorrow.